FAQs
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The following is a compilation of 2 types of questions; the ones people ask and the ones they should ask. The purpose of these Q&As is to educate the masses while poking a little fun at the circumstances created by blindness and the inevitable social hiccups that ensue
Many
people who are new to the experience of living with a vision impairment respond in one of two ways: Some shy
away from fear of the unknown while the rest simply rush head-long into overkill
in
their response to people who are blind.
It
is our intent to communicate a fresh and non-traditional perspective on
living
with blindness. That is where this website gets its name. This way of
life
can be a blast, if one lets it. We would like to bring as many into this
celebration as possible.
Some
of you seasoned V.I. folks and their loved-ones may find some of these
questions
too basic for your experience. We feel it's best not to accommodate all
Remember, you can always skip over those
”Duh!”
questions.
These
FAQs are not intended to cover the medical and diagnostic issues
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our links page, CLICK
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If
you have a question that is not answered here, please feel free to send an
E-mail. Shelley would be happy to answer it personally or direct you to someone
who can. The really good stuff may be added to this page them cards E-mails
comin'.
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Click
on a question for cooresponding answer.
What
is the proper response when being introduced to a blind person?
Why
do some blind people rock back and forth or bob their heads?
I
have a relative or friend who is visually impaired. Is it safe to leave my children in their care?
My
acquaintance is blind.
He/she dresses rather poorly.
No one has the guts to say anything, but everyone ostracizes this
person. Should
I intervene?
Should
I invite my visually-impaired friend to see a movie or play?
How
do blind people determine attraction to the opposite sex if they can't see
that person?
My
friend seemed to be treating her guide dog very harshly for no reason. All
the dog did was sniff the ground. Is this normal treatment for a dog
guide?
How
do blind people manage household tasks such as cooking and laundry?
If
you have difficulty seeing, how can you manage to use a computer?
I
drew this blind guy's name for a gift-exchange at work. What in the world do
I get him?
Answers:
Do
you ever wish you weren't
blind?
Yes!
whenever I hear the dog throwing up!
In
all seriousness; it is human nature for any of us to wish for circumstances
other than what we have. Curly-haired people want straight hair. Straight-haired
Straight-haired people want curly hair. Bald
people want any hair. It is no
different for blind than the sighted in this respect. There are times I wish I
wasn’t, especially when I want to take a drive to the beach. However, being
blind shouldn't be seen as less-desirable than being sighted. Anyone can find
fault with him or herself, their world, their mate, etc.
Being
visually impaired isn't, in itself, a scourge. Neither does it make me more saintly, wise, inspiring
or courageous than any other person. Blindness is a disability and disability is
common to all people--whether we recognize it or not.
Everyone
has an ongoing challenge of some kind that they periodically wish would go away.
Can't
they do something about
your eyes?"
I
am amazed at how often this question comes up. It’s like asking someone,
“Can’t they do something about your age?” It's as if I had an
opportunity to see, but opted to be blind rather than accept a cure.
Most
of us would probably avail ourselves the opportunity to improve our sight if a
realistic means was available. I say realistic
because
there are many causes of blindness that, realistically,
cannot
be altered with current technology. Be sensitive. Most of us have already tried
everything and some of us are really weary of being dragged along to one
'miracle cure' after another, only to end up feeling like a failure when the
“cure” or improvement doesn’t work.
After
all, who says blindness is something that has to be eradicated.
You
say you have some sight. Do things look blurry to you?
No.
They're just never close enough. Some of us are born with whatever degree of
sight we currently have--or don't have, as the case may be. Others lose their
sight later in life. In my personal experience and my discussions with other
visually-impaired people, I have determined that this is a highly subjective
issue with as many different answers as there are people.
I
cannot compare my sight and how it functions to yours because for me, it's
normal. In other words, I could never tell you what life in the mountains is
like if I never left the prairie. Even people I know who have lost sight later
in life will say that this is a hard question to answer because they have been
blind long enough to have forgotten what sight was like.
For
myself, I can tell the enquirer a few things, but bear in mind that these mainly
apply to me. Sight, like intelligence, the ability to hear, etc., has many
variations. Please do not impose
what I say of myself upon another visually- impaired person.
It's
also good to remember that various daily tasks in life require many different
types of sight. For example, I can sit close to my computer and paint beautiful
pictures, but I find it difficult to see curbs or steps that aren't marked
because, from my perspective, they
blend into one-another. Now, if I could have
the curb three inches from my face as I do the computer, I might be able to see
them adequately. I think it would be hard to explain why I am crawling down the
sidewak.
“They’re coming to take me away! HA HA! They’re coming to take me away HO HO! To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time…”
What
is the proper response when
being introduced to a blind person?
When
meeting
a blind person, introduce yourself and shake their hand, just as you
would
anyone else. It is a good idea to let the individual extend their hand
first.
Most will if given time and the opportunity. Blind people are no different than
sighted people except for their sight. They don't
need to be treated differently. If they don't
offer to shake hands, you can ask or offer, but it's
not a good idea to draw too much attention to the issue.
You
wouldn't
tell a sighted person to shake hands with you--at least, I hope not. If you
think about it, some sighted people won't
shake hands. That doesn't
warrant special treatment.
How
do I know someone who can't
see me will hear and acknowledge me
if they don't
make eye-contact?
Indeed:
How do we know we're
connecting with anyone we meet? When dealing with anyone, remember that the
other person's
response is their responsibility, not yours. Everyone wants and deserves some
dignity. Some
people--many of them
actually--think
they need to speak slowly, loudly or use very simple language
when
addressing a person of disability. This not only happens to the blind, but
to
people who use wheelchairs or have some other type of visible disability.
This
must be avoided if an equal
relationshipis to be established. My
not being able to see you has nothing to do with my intelligence, hearing or
comprehension. You will know immediately, just as with anyone else, if you are
being understood. It is always best to
give everyone the benefit of the doubt when meeting and interacting with them.
Why
do some blind people rock back and forth or bob
their heads?
This
is a much-debated issue among families, friends educators, the medical community
and visually-impaired people themselves. It is a habit that usually develops in
early childhood and is not limited to those with blindness. Many young children
who grow up with a disability find a lack of activity in their world because
disability tends to create social isolation.
This was the case with me. My parents had the kind help of a very wise Pediatrician who recommended that they make sure I didn't become bored and that they took whatever disciplinary steps necessary to prevent "tick-behavior such as rocking--or, as in my case--flapping of the hands in front of the eyes. In my The activity gave me a sort of rush.
I
have very clear memories of my Father or Mother swatting my hands whenever I did
this. At age two or three, I was a
very unhappy customer over this issue, but by the time I entered elementary
school, I was already grateful that my parents refused to let me display such
behavior.
These behaviors, once established, are just about impossible to break. Therefore, please remember that such behavior is not a reflection of one's intellect or abilities. It just happens in some people. I once worked with a guy who was sighted and didn't have any other physical disabilities. He was very intelligent and professional. We worked in a customer call center and he would frequently rock while talking with customers. I think it helped him relax. This is proof positive that we shouldn't assume anything about people we don't know.
I'm hosting a blind visitor in my home. What preparations should I make and will they need special assistance?
Oh!
I love this question: You'll need to prepare the following, Lobster Newberg,
Broccoli with cream cheese, Sweet & Sour chicken, 3-bean salad,
French-roasted espresso, Mud Pie and honeydew mellons. I'LL BE RIGHT OVER!!--So
you can practice.
...But
seriously, the best approach is to prepare as you would for any other guest in
your home, with the following guidelines.
First
of all, It is not necessary to install railings in the hallway, move most of the
furniture to the attic or rent a hospital bed. I am exaggerating here, but not
much. You'd be surprised what some people deem necessary to accommodate a
visually-impaired visitor. I once
had a lady on the bus ask me if I could dress myself. I was thinking, “I have
a sixty-pound dog here and she thinks I can’t take care of myself?”
Watch
the babies and small pets. I may
not see them toddling at my feet and they don't understand that I won't see
them. Which of you has not been accosted by some small tyke, darting to-and-fro
in the mall? The same goes for small animals. I would say that if your guest is
staying for more than a day to put bells on the shoes of young children and on
the pets’ collars. You can get jingle-bells at most craft stores.
Offer the blind person your elbow and allow them to walk slightly behind you. DO NOT take their arm or push them ahead of you. Noboby, not even you, No one wishes to be propelled from behind--especially if they don’t know where you want to take them.
Ask
your guest if they'd like a quick tour of the house. If the answer is yes, give
walls, doors, tables, etc., a few taps when you mention them. Hearing where they
are is very helpful.
Ask
your guest what kind of assistance they need. They may opt for none of the
above. If they decline help, please respect this. It is an issue of trust and
you will not gain it by force. Your
guest will probably survive if they stumble over something. It's their problem
and you will get distressed by making it yours.
When
filling your guest's glass or tea cup, leave about an inch of room at the top.
This is ESPECIALLY important if the beverage is hot. I personally think this is
a good rule of thumb when serving anyone
Make
sure you respect your guest's privacy. I don't need anyone to accompany me into
the bathroom or bedroom to settle in to the night. If I do, I will surely ask
for
help.
Again, this is a boundary that should be respected regarding any guest.
If
your guest tries to take their dishes to the sink after the meal or offers to
help in the kitchen, PLEASE, let them. I
cannot overstate this. Unless you don't normally accept help from guests, it is
important to respect the efforts of your blind guest--especially if your
other guests are helping. Forbidding
my help in such a situation makes me feel like a rejected outsider who just
doesn't measure up. Additionally, I feel isolated as I miss out on the
conversation going on in the kitchen while I sit there alone at the table.
We
like to show courtesy too, and you'd be amazed how seldom we are allowed to do
so. Again, a trust issue, if you do not trust me to be a contributing member of
your group. After all, I do my own dishes at home.
When
your guest asks you where something is, please do not say, “It's over there”
or “right here.”
There
is no such place as “Over there" I
need directions like, “To your left” or “The counter is about three steps
forward from where you are.” Don't try counting stair-steps for me. I don't
know if fifteen stairs includes the next floor as the top step or the first
floor as the bottom. If you're guiding me properly, I'll be able to tell when
you are going up or down steps.
I guarantee that if you follow these simple guidelines, you will have a VERY happy guest who will want to return often because this kind of treatment is typically, much better than what they are used to. By the way, accept their invitation, should they invite you to their home.
My
blind acquaintance is so independent. Why does she
become so defensive whenever I try to help her?--even though I can see she's
struggling. What should I do?
The
answer to this hotly-debated question is deceptively simple. It is all about
trust, and control.
Have
you ever been stranded in your car with a backseat driver? Remember the last
time it happened? Didn't
you wish to tell them to apply a sock to the inside of their mouth and let you
be?
Why
is this so? It is because that person is clearly communicating to you that he or
she doesn't
trust you and must, therefore, control the situation. Will they admit they are
trying to control you? Not in this lifetime. They’ll say, “I was just making
sure we didn’t miss that turn” or “…hit that car…”, etc. Control by
any other name is STILL control and the best of intentions does NOT make
it right.
Believe
it or not, when you interfere, your blind acquaintance feels the same way about
you--whether your intentions were simply to assist them or put your own mind at
ease. If you insist on trying to assist anyone who has already communicated to
you that they don't
want your help, you will only drive them further away, (ho pun intended.) You
may not be consiously aware that you are trying to control, but it is STILL
control when it isn't welcomed.
Your
friend is getting the message that you do not trust their ability. It is my
experience that these control people would die before admitting their own guilt.
(Well, that’s control too.) Why am I so harsh about this? Because it’s true.
If you are brutally honest with yourself, you will recognize that
“Back-seat-driving” behavior is done from your own insecurity, rather than
reflecting the needs of the person you are trying to help.
By the way, I do it too and I really have to
watch myself lest I turn into Lord and Master of everything going on around me.
I would challenge you to ask yourself why you feel compelled. You say you see the person struggling but are they really? What will happen if you don't intervene? Will they die, or simply spill a little coffee on the counter, bump into a table or have to wait. for the next elevator.
Must
things go perfectly for your sake? Sighted people spill and bump into things
too. Nobody likes a back-seat driver!
Ability,
unlike beauty, is not in the eye of the beholder. Who is it that defines what
help is? the recipient or that
helper If you think your friend needs help, does that make it is so? Do you
really believe I'd
turn away help if I truly needed it? Is
it your duty to make me see the error of my ways?
It
is not merely an issue of personal preference. I've
had my dog traumatized and have nearly been injured on several occasions at the
hands of well-meaning, but uninvited and unnecessary intervention. Therefore, my
mistrust level is pretty high when approached by a stranger who introduces him
or herself by saying, I'm
going to help you, and take over.
It is true that some of us overreact when approached? Of course. but try to bear in mind that you may be dealing with someone who has endured a long day at the mercy of backseat-drivers and feels they are living in a fishbowl, on the brink of complete exasperation because they probably missed their bus by allowing someone to “help” in an effort to be polite. Many well-meant offers to help truly have the opposite effect. Who wouldn't want to prevent this and do so aggressively if their wishes are disrespected?
I
am ademate about this to Christians especially because there are thousands of
people out there with disabilities that will never darken the doorstep of a
church. They are hardened because some of God's people treated them like they
would a four-year-old.
Please: DO NOT do to a blind person, what you wouldn't do to a sighted person. If you did to a sighted person some of the things sighted people do to blind people, you would likely wind up with a bloody nose. I can assure you that my supposidly rude or ungrateful reaction to such interference would pale by comparison.
Incidentally,
it is not a sin to be independent. Most people are naturally independent.
I might be struggling, but I tend to enjoy the challenge and overcoming it by
myself really builds my confidence. Please don't
take that away from me.
I can promise you that if you give your friend the space she needs, without criticism--even if she really is having difficulty--you will eventually become the person she turns to for help because you have demonstrated that you trust and respect her. Your friend will soon rise up and call you blessed because this will truly set you far apart from most people in her world. Hang in there and be patient.
I have a relative or friend who is visually impaired. Is it safe to leave my children in their care?
I
think this decision should depend on the person, not the blindness. Allow
me to answer this question with a story from my own experience.
I
once interviewed with a couple who were considering me as a part-time nanny. The
Father of this active two-year-old boy was justifiably concerned about his son's
safety.
“I
don't
mean to be judgmental,” he began awkwardly, “But how will you know what he's
doing--I mean, what if he sticks something in the electrical outlet or tries to
kill himself some other way?”
We
were sitting at the kitchen table while the child played in the other room. I
launched into my stock answer. “Well,
I purpose to be right there with him as much as possible. I use my other senses
a lot--especially my sense of hearing. You'd
be amazed what you can really hear when you concentrate.
By the way,” I added. “Your Son is playing with the TV.”
“You're
HIRED!” the man boomed, laughing
as he spoke. “I had no idea he was even in there.”
“Oh
yes.” I went on. “He's
been twisting the knobs for about 20 minutes now.”
I
would say that if you are uncomfortable with the prospect of your
visually-impaired relative or friend caring for your children, watch them
interact with your kids. Feel free to ask questions. There are a lot of ways to
adapt. I put bells on the shoes of whatever toddler or baby I'm
in charge of--especially in my home. When I can't
hear the bells, I come running.
If the person in question can assure you of their capability, take them at face-value. Who among us wants to be accountable for someone else's children if we personally don't feel we're capable. Imagine the worst babysitter you ever saw. Were they blind? Probably not. They were just irresponsible.
I'd
also like to say though, it's okay if you aren't comfortable with this person
caring for your children. They are, after all, your children and you have the
right to make judgements that put your mind at ease. All I would ask is that you
don't write such a person off as a potential candidate without giving them fair
consideration.
My
acquaintance is blind. He/she
dresses
rather poorly. No one has the guts to say
anything, but everyone austerities this person. Should I say something?
My answer may sound final, but it is a very firm, qualified NO. Do you not have some guy where you work who is fully sighted, but wears a linty sweater or ugly neck ties? If you wouldn't dream of walking up to him and saying "You really need a fashion makeover." you shouldn't approach a blind person that way.
You must first win that person's friendship and respect with no ulterior motive. If such a friendship exists, then it might be alright to take this person aside and address the issue. It is never alright to violate another's dignity, just because he or she isn't currently aware or concerned about the impression their appearance makes.
I would also recommend that you go out of your way to compliment them when they are wearing something you like or that looks attractive or appealing on them. Remember, you can draw a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar
Should I invite my visually-impaired friend to see a movie or play
Personally,
I wouldn't
recommend Marcel-Marcel, unless you are ready to give a running description of
everything, but otherwise, absolutely. A
lack of vision does not indicate inability to enjoy a movie or play. It
is helpful to be willing to describe what is currently happening if asked, but
there is no need to feel awkward about such an invitation. You would be
surprised how much is communicated editorially in the typical movie. Plays can
be a little more difficult as the quality of sound is different. Some theatres now offer descriptive services,
headphones that can be worn by the blind patron that will let them hear
someone describing whatever is occurring on stage or screen.
Of
course, concerts are generally a sure hit.
How
do blind people determine
attraction to
the opposite sex if they can't
see that person?
Well,
some of us base it on whether or not they're
independently wealthy--just kidding.
There are many ways to be attractive besides the visuall. Although I have some sight, voice is everything to me. I can tell a lot about someone just by hearing their voice.
Kindness,
genuiness and acceptance make a person attractive too. In
my younger days, I was head- over-heels for a young man in our church singles
group. He wasn't
especially handsome physically, but he was very intelligent, warm, fun-loving
and he possessed one thing that very few people I had met had. He made me feel
like a lady--I mean an attractive lady.My sight was never an issue with him.
It's the same way with my husband.
A lot of other fellows were very nice, but I got the impression they pitied me, which is the very last thing I needed--especially from men. Well, Brooks and I never became a couple, but knowing him taught me a lot about what it means to be valued and cherished. This made him highly attractive. I think that when it comes to love relationships, pretty, (or handsome), is as pretty does.
Of
course, most of us don't
prefer someone who's
socially inept, morbidly obese or lacking good hygiene. The latter is really a
big issue with me. My dog seems to like smelly people, but I don't.
My
friend seemed to be treating her guide dog very
harshly for no reason. All the dog did was sniff the ground. Is this normal
treatment for a dog guide?
This
is an excellent question. To the untrained observer, it may appear that a dog is
being abused for something dogs do naturally, such as sniffing or trying to
chase a cat or eat something from off the ground. People don't
normally think of their little Fritzie at
home being held to what is in the observer's
understanding, an unreasonable
standard.
There are some who do mistreat their dogs, but this is the exception, not
the rule. A dog guide must be kept on-task at all times during travel and other
daily activities. It is, in fact, unfair to the dog in the long-run to be
inconsistent with the dog for the sake of keeping pleasant appearances.
Distractions, however minor, can be dangerous for the handler.
I nearly got my nose broken once when my dog was distracted, causing me
to bang into a clothes rack. Unfortunately, many observers only see what they
determine to be harsh treatment.
If
you watch the dog and handler after the incident, you may be very pleasantly
surprised at what you see. Often, a disciplinary action is immediately followed
by lavish praise when the dog performs correctly.
Most
guide dog handlers are very adept in this because their safety also
depends on the dog receiving much more positive feedback than negative. You
might see me snap my don's
leash back when he tries to chase a pigeon. Sadly, though, you will be too upset
to notice his wagging tail as I hug him for stopping at a break in the pavement
immediately following the pigeon incident.
I'd
say that if you think a dog is being mistreated, ask the dog.
I don't
mean that you go up and literally ask the dog. I mean watch the overall
interaction between dog and owner. A well-treated
dog will walk, heal held high with an enthusiastic aire and quick, responsive
compliance to master. There are
exceptions, but an abused dog is usually not a well-behaved dog because they
aren't
handled consistantly. That causes
confusion and lack of confidence, not to mention a general dislike for working
as he doesn't ge enough positive reenforcement.
I've
lived with my dog, 24/7 for several years now. I know him much better than
anyone else does. I can tell when he's not
on-task immediately. It may be something so subtle as to escape the onlooker's
attention. I think it's
appropriate to ask a question such as, “Excuse me, but why do you snap the dog's
leash like that?”
Don’t
ask questions like, “Why are you mistreating that dog?”
Accusations
often turn out to be unfounded. If you ask me why I handle my dog a certain way,
I'll
be glad to tell you, but my answer should be respected. Never make assumptions
based on first impressions. It is like telling a total stranger how to parent
their child.
How
do blind people manage household tasks such as
cooking and laundry?
Well,
we've
all got our strong and weak points. I can tell when the water is boiling by the
way it sounds. I rely on my sense of touch an awful lot. I can't
work with gloves on because I don't
have direct contact with whatever I'm
doing. As far as cooking goes, it was trial-and-error for me in the early
days--mostly error. But seriously, I do have as many advantages as hindrances.
For example, I can wash dishes and read a book at the same time, provided the
book is on tape.
Grocery-shopping:
Now, there's
a cheery thought. I usually have the dog harness in one hand and drag the
shopping cart along with the other. I almost always go to the same store and,
providing they don't
remodel again like they did last year, everything will be essentially in the
same place. If I have a lot of shopping to do, I ask for assistance, but I don't
like doing this because it increases the margin for error.
my husband d